leetwopoint_0

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 15:28:17 GMT

woke up at 5:30 to the most ridiculos downpour, realized my passenger window was cracked, bro who was already up informed me it had just started, enough time, ran outside. It was literally like the whole storm condensed at once, the water was already up to my ankles, hope its dry in there. just sitting around until i drive home, 17 is going to be a bitch with its standing water, rollin on no tread, and poor alingnment. so long internet until next time.

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 05:07:53 GMT

chill pill taken. the weekends been nice, but unproductive. its hard finding motivation when i know the class really doesn't count, i mean the AP exam, the grade on my portfolio doesn't count, all i have to do is turn in something, the due dates are even ridiculously expendable. But my photography is coming along i got some strong shots, but poor negatives that won't give me the print i really want because the chemicals we use are so unpredictable. ill get it right eventually. i thought i was taking someone out but shes not calling and an i dunno whats up wit that, just got to wait i guess. I'm not doing that stupid shit i did before, i made my call, so i guess its up to her? Driving back tomorrow, hope my tires don't wear to the rim, glad dad said he'd pay for the alignment. really want the 4" lift and the 33 12.50s. and a roof rack. "nigga-fying" dad says.

random entry that must have been deleted, and now its back

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 04:21:51 GMT

Christmas Break has been awesome. Dan's back from Idaho. Tensions between my Dad and his brother made Christmas Eve and Day weird, getting 2 12 inch woofers and 2 amps made it even worse. its pretty ridiculous, 700 watt 4 channel amp for my door speakers and a 600 watt amp for the 2 12s. Still need a receiver. Chillin at my mom's has been cool, she got me the Alvarez 12 string thats been in SMC for ages, and my bro got an analog synth modeler thats pretty sick. don't really know why i asked for the guitar either, but it too is also awesome.

Sat, 07 Jul 2007 19:01:01 GMT

i spend so much time thinking about were i would like to be, and about what i need to do to get there, i spend no time doing those things and even more sitting idle waiting for something to go do. but the one thing i said that i would do, i am doing, even if its slower and not every day, is reading. light in august is really good not really sure where hes going but its well written and developed.

my ipod only plays left, but if you press really hard you can get stereo

Sat, 23 Jun 2007 15:16:03 GMT

life is either consistently gay or consistently unpredictable. heard it since you were a kid, never believed it, know it now and forever deny it. life get shitier every day that goes by. everything you already had gets harder and you get rewarded for handling that well with more mistermindedly contructed problems. keeping relationships acctually takes effort now. and all the bullshit you said you were going to do. impossible to get money, wondering if ill ever be able to take care of myself or make it or whatever and and o well ive got pleaty of practice stuffin my worries into a cup.. or bowl rather. its just funny how everything thats ever been said is true. 4528596. hey mat call meif your ever in the ville or want me to stop by on the way to folly or go tag something

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 13:56:10 GMT

goddamnit goddamnit goddamnit. might have lost my job over me picking up a tip on my 3rd day, apperently tips are for only servers and not the person who cleans up the table, but it was there and i can't wash the table if its there so i pocketed it, and at the next table and i made more, in cash, then i make in a whole 1.9 hours. manager got so pissed its not even funny, directs it all on the to dishwashers not the ten million servers who she is basically cowering behind sqeeuzeing their hand because shes stressed out and is scared. she said shed think about it, so for the next 5 days i don't know if im employed or not. in other news the theory that it dosen't matter if her phone is ringing or not is gaining reluctant, hurtful, truth, as reality continually and continually becomes. she had to have red hair. if its not for me don't dress it up and dangle it right before my eyes. idealy i really hate cynicality, but i recently i feel chained to table fitted for my losses by breath. so what the hell, really what the hell

Sat, 12 May 2007 05:09:14 GMT

so everything that happened since the last post can be represented by the two following events:

1. theres another big crack in my solid wood door.
2. dial. ring. silence. fumbles. a double exhale quiet cough from an angel. click. silence. silence. silence.

Sun, 08 Apr 2007 00:55:18 GMT

philidelphia was awsome. i enjoyed everywhere we went and everything i saw and everybody that whent. i have a strikingly repulsive luck with the whole talking to people with long hair & boobs thing. it was nice while it lasted, even though it was empty and entierly fantacised inside my brain. its the only thing i cant shake off and just say fuck it. i seriouly have not got the slightest clue. either, that or my timing and taste really is just that bad. or maybe im nothing else but a lie, maybe thats all i really am. maybe thats all i sickly want. maybe could my past have been that dramatic, that scaring, that mutatable. is it just a cycle, who made it, chance? destiny? actions? whose? it probably is all my fault, that fucked up, the failure black holes are made of. .__
\ but anyway i really did have fun, it was a little overshawdowed but all and all. got in early, came home said goodnight, mike came an ggot me, whent to nates, saw chris and matt, back home back after midnight thourouly satisfyied. my shoes came in today, organic sandals made of jute and nonsynthetic rubber. dad ordered me sambas today. afternoon skated at bryans. tonight was hoping to do something but noone im alowed to see wants to talk to me, an i, im .....j;lkj3 s.,....tired and out of words

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 14:38:47 GMT

it was short is was nice. yesterday was beautiful, decided im only playing videogames on elite or very hard or expert, im worked on carry on my wayward son, only getting 56% of 16% of the song but is fun as shit to play, from 9 to 3. going back, 4 hours and hwy 17 and by myself, and 15 hours on a greyhound to philly tomorrow, looking forward to hitting those city streets after midnight and the art mueseam and the hockey game.

Sat, 31 Mar 2007 18:56:09 GMT

if i knew running miles would have done it i woulda tried it a long time ago, "making progress" why does that sound dehumanizing, molded, institutionalization. but i went to the show, which sucked so much ass some people were actually pissed off, it was gay with old men standing over us sitting, stareing. but shits of people were there. took audrey to applebees with jp and owen, who has a dash tat on his left wrist. it was incredibly nice to be out. drove to here today.

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 20:47:35 GMT

hard to imagine i could actually be getting worse, but is happening. it really is my own fault i could be putting this time to something like books, i don't care about anything anymore, taken zeros for so many worksheets, not doing any homework ever for any reason, completly letting everything slide overhead and get 30/150's. 0 desire whatsoever to try. prom was fun though, it reminded me i am a human being after all and can still fuction around my kind. thousands of other thoughs about that, i really don't even know what to think about those thoughts. i am living somewhere else in summerville as soon as i can, this is insane, it dosn't even matter whose right or wrong, i don't really care where i land up, what is it like half the people hate the way their lives turned out anyway, so at least i have some fraction certainty. all i need to do is stay in school, and go straight to college, even it be tech,

Sat, 24 Mar 2007 01:53:13 GMT

didnt know i would be able to buy sparks at berts, didn't know 230 and then 300 would be so close and that dad was home really early and knew i skipped, wouldn'ta had a good story cause i had a sunburn but i caught a good wave waves were good traffic there and back wasnt randall losing his stomach wasnt proms tomorrow, i don't have shoes but audrey dosent care so wear vans? weird how i am encouraged to go to the biggest highschool party but i can't go see a movie or close a door to masturbate

gta

Sun, 18 Mar 2007 04:08:54 GMT

so my dude just randamly shows up at 930 at my front door asking to use the phone, he got "into some shit up on dorchester" and needed to get of these streets, it was liking living in gta,

also randomly struck with novelty at the prospect of how insane my dad really is, god so much shit i coulda been doing, no wonder i started smokin tree, it really was (honestly though really) the only thing that knocked on my front door during high school, i didn't really see much and then it was just like, all this stuff, youve seen elf, even the chewed gum was amazing! fuck that psycaitrist bullshit: my life is shit because other people fucked up, created their own realities to justify themseleves, covered the guilt and shame in vindiaction and rightous gratification, everyone's got issues, everyone breaks the law, everyone is a sinner, i want to punch you in the fucking face everytime you look at the waiter's ass, whatever you want to call it, fuck you. again just for impashis, fuck. you. i know i know what the hell im talking about..... one flew east, one flew west..........

but im still looking at, moving out: which will most likely precede, unfortuantly but most likely nessicarily, and therfore the downfall, dropping out and throwing a 4.3 down the drain (which would make for a good story if i ever accoplished anything), or rolling with the punches for this summer, the fall, the winter, the spring and the next summer accepting the fact that i just won't ever be going anywhere to do anything, all the way through my 18th birthday, ahwww.. fuck that, ill knock the shit out of him and burn down our house and just go to an asylum for same amount of time, or move to wilmington, where i can make new friends and bid them forever farewell, all in less than a year! damn.... o well itll be fun to joke with everyone at trident that i was in the top 40 of my class and i dropped out cause my dad was a nutjob and i could take it anymore.

haha my gma wants to know where my dad is, he did the weirdest thing, just drove by the house, drive by style around 530. never called or anything, just drove by, was gone all day at one of those christain workshop deals in mt. pleasent, and just came back just to drive down our street, said he was going to be back at 11 and its 1145, maybe he finally cracked, and this altercation that strangly resembles the manhattan project and the ensuing cold war, everythings in secrect, no communication, just stealing and striking like theives in the night. maybe his brain finally rotted form all the diet coke, coffee and alcohol he consumes and now on a rampage to destroy the heathnes

my dad told me prom was important and that i should go, my grandma told me 4 times to day to get on the phone and call everyone asking for dates, wtf you wanna push me so hard to go the the thing where 90% of the people get drunk and fuck, thats not even my sence, and the only girl i even pondered the slight possibility of asking, i don't even know and turns out she a boyfriend anyway, making the score, officially 0 - 5. or actually 0 - 3, i wont count absente forfeits. it really is a muther fucking game, im looking for more than a game, probably won't ever find it but whatever, definatly the least of my worries, well nah, its kinda with the rest of the shit all jumbled into one large piece o crap im thrown into, headlong everyday, im sorry i would exhume my gratefulness and rejoice but my throat is cloged with bull shit, theyll just have to accept this: fuck you.

my hope is that all the stuff im missing is being bottled up and fermented in the finest barrels, i know ive got enough to drink myself to the grave.

so dumb theres nothing out there, it really is all pointless, other people just make you forget

god i hope i don't believe that

ah.... so i do care about what i believe in, whatever it is

just wish there could be more to my life accept me
wish i could just ride some waves, or talk, or sit and say nothing pathletic muthasdloserlas;dkfjoo

reality

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 23:52:48 GMT

haha, like i could ever do anything about it. looks like im going to half to settle for a life half worth living for a few more years.

fuck fuck fuck fuckufckuffuckfufuckufucukfukcufku

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 18:01:29 GMT

im throwing it all away in 28 days, haha itd be really wierd if my bday was 12h 48min 08sec or whatever it is, cause where they want me to go, i find my only purpose is to hang my head and sob, so fuck everything, fuck it all to hell, maybe its my fault but i feel as if my heart has melted and a monster has set up asylum in its place, and its bent on total destrution no matter what the cost, no matter what the cost because i feel i have nothing to loose and everything to gain, i will spend the next month fanning the flames and then when the time is right i will make my hell your hell, ive done my soul searching, the answer wasn't hard, ill i wanted was love and happiness for me and the right to pass it on to others, maybe i did take the wrong road to find that, but as the past always is, completley irrelavent, the naked child, who watched his home crumble and explode, poked his head out of the crater, and someone buried his ass alive for it, now in this dark hole where all is denied without reason all i want to do is crush, break, grind and destroy, o god i hope some kind soul will come and just hold me, to be held by someone who dosn't care if im insane, which i apparently am, cause breaking shit isn't supposed to give satisfaction, its consuming me, i can't even watch tv anymore, i hope, for my own future the monster lies in the walls and not my cavity, so that when i bring the walls down, i can just walk away and start over, just walk... walk

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 04:53:44 GMT

yea so sean came over after school, grents were already here, moments are awakward, probably because i just recently publicly denounced religion, and now i was bringing this kid home with me, it was awsome though, i showed grandpa my drawings from the conference and he showed me the photoshop stuff hes dabbling in, me and sean mixed chemicals, joked about how much it looked like were were starting a meth lab, spent 4 hours in the whole process of mixing, setting, cutting, focusing, testing, and printing, my neg is confusing the hell out of me, i dodged and it got darker, when over to his moms house then his dads house where i meet his mom and his sister, printed on warmtone paper and they look pretty cooltone to me so don't know whats with that, but i definatly brought a stranger into the house one the one day my grents come to town without telling anyone and noone said anything, in fact gma made us both dinner, so what this ammounts to i dont know,

grandparents

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 20:17:24 GMT

they should be here soon, im tickled when imagining the conversations, im the crazy loon of the family, they better drink up and go to bed early so i can leave

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 20:35:44 GMT

yea so, going to govoners school would probably do wonderful things for me.... and honestly i really wish i cared to go, but in this reality that is apparently, rightous parenting, (i mean how dumb did elwood sound when he said "were on a mission from god") i only have my mind fixed on one thing. he said that since i behave as a 5 year old child, i should be treated like one; but the reality is that i act like a 5 year old child because that is all im allowed. at least i can still smile and say fuck it, alone in the dark, in secret.

ddaaaiiaaammmmmnn

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 20:27:29 GMT

wish i had something else to say

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 23:03:17 GMT

need to do homework, and read faster

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 01:22:09 GMT

theres just so much going on outside, nothings going on in here

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 01:48:46 GMT

got my keys today drove to library and wal-mart? ?

Sun, 04 Mar 2007 01:19:05 GMT

begining of what end?

Sat, 03 Mar 2007 01:31:40 GMT

...... ...... ...... ...... ...... ......

Fri, 02 Mar 2007 03:00:05 GMT

nothing like a ambitiously charged conversation with a friend and cool night air to lighten the air. after rain is nice as well. damn samll linux is cool. but for some reason i can't login to gmail, works at school, checked the pw (and the usern after) a thousand times, its right, but i still says they don't match, machines. finally finished the monoprint, looks badass. goddamn dust in the never-cleaned enlargers is pissing me off cause they always pick the most annoying place to put a spec and retouching is a bitch. mrs brown said i sould clean them, think i will. other than that the same old pit, think i finally got the initiative to make a least some small corner look more homely.