woke up at 5:30 to the most ridiculos downpour, realized my passenger window was cracked, bro who was already up informed me it had just started, enough time, ran outside. It was literally like the whole storm condensed at once, the water was already up to my ankles, hope its dry in there. just sitting around until i drive home, 17 is going to be a bitch with its standing water, rollin on no tread, and poor alingnment. so long internet until next time.

Current Location: wilmington, NC
Current Music: el schorcho - weezer

chill pill taken. the weekends been nice, but unproductive. its hard finding motivation when i know the class really doesn't count, i mean the AP exam, the grade on my portfolio doesn't count, all i have to do is turn in something, the due dates are even ridiculously expendable. But my photography is coming along i got some strong shots, but poor negatives that won't give me the print i really want because the chemicals we use are so unpredictable. ill get it right eventually. i thought i was taking someone out but shes not calling and an i dunno whats up wit that, just got to wait i guess. I'm not doing that stupid shit i did before, i made my call, so i guess its up to her? Driving back tomorrow, hope my tires don't wear to the rim, glad dad said he'd pay for the alignment. really want the 4" lift and the 33 12.50s. and a roof rack. "nigga-fying" dad says.

Christmas Break has been awesome. Dan's back from Idaho. Tensions between my Dad and his brother made Christmas Eve and Day weird, getting 2 12 inch woofers and 2 amps made it even worse. its pretty ridiculous, 700 watt 4 channel amp for my door speakers and a 600 watt amp for the 2 12s. Still need a receiver. Chillin at my mom's has been cool, she got me the Alvarez 12 string thats been in SMC for ages, and my bro got an analog synth modeler thats pretty sick. don't really know why i asked for the guitar either, but it too is also awesome.

i spend so much time thinking about were i would like to be, and about what i need to do to get there, i spend no time doing those things and even more sitting idle waiting for something to go do. but the one thing i said that i would do, i am doing, even if its slower and not every day, is reading. light in august is really good not really sure where hes going but its well written and developed.

Current Location: willmington
Current Mood: working

life is either consistently gay or consistently unpredictable. heard it since you were a kid, never believed it, know it now and forever deny it. life get shitier every day that goes by. everything you already had gets harder and you get rewarded for handling that well with more mistermindedly contructed problems. keeping relationships acctually takes effort now. and all the bullshit you said you were going to do. impossible to get money, wondering if ill ever be able to take care of myself or make it or whatever and and o well ive got pleaty of practice stuffin my worries into a cup.. or bowl rather. its just funny how everything thats ever been said is true. 4528596. hey mat call meif your ever in the ville or want me to stop by on the way to folly or go tag something

Current Location: frog
Current Mood: no cue tips for my ear
Current Music: accutally whatever virus i have has fucked itunes audio playback capabilities

goddamnit goddamnit goddamnit. might have lost my job over me picking up a tip on my 3rd day, apperently tips are for only servers and not the person who cleans up the table, but it was there and i can't wash the table if its there so i pocketed it, and at the next table and i made more, in cash, then i make in a whole 1.9 hours. manager got so pissed its not even funny, directs it all on the to dishwashers not the ten million servers who she is basically cowering behind sqeeuzeing their hand because shes stressed out and is scared. she said shed think about it, so for the next 5 days i don't know if im employed or not. in other news the theory that it dosen't matter if her phone is ringing or not is gaining reluctant, hurtful, truth, as reality continually and continually becomes. she had to have red hair. if its not for me don't dress it up and dangle it right before my eyes. idealy i really hate cynicality, but i recently i feel chained to table fitted for my losses by breath. so what the hell, really what the hell

Current Location: alone
Current Mood: cynical
Current Music: that police song on guitar hero

so everything that happened since the last post can be represented by the two following events:

1. theres another big crack in my solid wood door.
2. dial. ring. silence. fumbles. a double exhale quiet cough from an angel. click. silence. silence. silence.

philidelphia was awsome. i enjoyed everywhere we went and everything i saw and everybody that whent. i have a strikingly repulsive luck with the whole talking to people with long hair & boobs thing. it was nice while it lasted, even though it was empty and entierly fantacised inside my brain. its the only thing i cant shake off and just say fuck it. i seriouly have not got the slightest clue. either, that or my timing and taste really is just that bad. or maybe im nothing else but a lie, maybe thats all i really am. maybe thats all i sickly want. maybe could my past have been that dramatic, that scaring, that mutatable. is it just a cycle, who made it, chance? destiny? actions? whose? it probably is all my fault, that fucked up, the failure black holes are made of. .__
\ but anyway i really did have fun, it was a little overshawdowed but all and all. got in early, came home said goodnight, mike came an ggot me, whent to nates, saw chris and matt, back home back after midnight thourouly satisfyied. my shoes came in today, organic sandals made of jute and nonsynthetic rubber. dad ordered me sambas today. afternoon skated at bryans. tonight was hoping to do something but noone im alowed to see wants to talk to me, an i, im .....j;lkj3 s.,....tired and out of words

Current Location: panic in the attic
Current Mood: chip on the shoulder, ho hum
Current Music: the biggest lie, the obrest cover

it was short is was nice. yesterday was beautiful, decided im only playing videogames on elite or very hard or expert, im worked on carry on my wayward son, only getting 56% of 16% of the song but is fun as shit to play, from 9 to 3. going back, 4 hours and hwy 17 and by myself, and 15 hours on a greyhound to philly tomorrow, looking forward to hitting those city streets after midnight and the art mueseam and the hockey game.

Current Location: willmington north carolina
Current Music: yes - the beatles

if i knew running miles would have done it i woulda tried it a long time ago, "making progress" why does that sound dehumanizing, molded, institutionalization. but i went to the show, which sucked so much ass some people were actually pissed off, it was gay with old men standing over us sitting, stareing. but shits of people were there. took audrey to applebees with jp and owen, who has a dash tat on his left wrist. it was incredibly nice to be out. drove to here today.

Current Location: wilmington